"Are You Married?"

Are you a foreigner? Maybe coming from Europe? Did you bring some of your "European ideas" to Turkey? And you´re not married, still you want to live with your boyfriend/girlfriend? So don´t be surprised when the owner of the house tells you no already on the phone. Why? Because no matter how European Istanbul sometimes can be, the idea of two young people living together without being married is still a taboo in Turkey. My advice? Lie. Lie where you can, when you can. On the phone say that you are married. Wear a ring. Come with some relative to show that you have the support of your (/his/her) family. And if you like the house, then tell them that actually, you are not really married, you are just engaged, but you are a poor lost foreigner that cannot live alone in this huge city and you are going to marry very, very soon. Let them have mercy on you.

That´s about renting a house. In other cases, just say all the time you are married. You go to a shop, you say you want this and this for your husband. You meet new neighbours who are way too curious, tell them you moved in with your husband and what your husband´s job is. Lie, lie and lie and be careful when your bijouterie ring loses its shine. And if you can´t lie about your boyfriend being your husband, just change to "fiance".

I had a conversation with a modern middle-aged Istanbulian woman about important achievements in each one´s life. She was supposed to compare "get married" and "become a parent". She said that without getting married you cannot have a baby. I just smiled and said that you can but it is not exactly common here in Turkey. On the very same day, a relative of mine told me that she got pregnant. She is not married and she lives with her partner by the way (in the Czech Republic, naturally).

The funny thing is that I am already so well aware of some of the Turkish prejudices and taboos that I get embarassed when I ask a middle-aged businesswoman if she´s married and her answer is no. My Czech soul aplauds her, screaming well done, you did it, you broke the stupid stereotype, you are going your own way even in this crazy country, you don´t need a man! But the fact that she is Turkish and we are in Turkey, makes me feel almost like apologizing and changing the topic as quickly as possible.